


the fathers you can't leave behind and the lovers you can't let go

by Dasetho



Series: facing the past and shaping the future [2]
Category: Community (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25315930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dasetho/pseuds/Dasetho
Summary: "You are worth it. You are worth everything"Annie and Jeff sit in a burger restaurant in DC when she asks him about his father. Turns out that daddy issues are not exclusive to the Winger family after all.
Relationships: Annie Edison & Jeff Winger, Annie Edison/Jeff Winger
Series: facing the past and shaping the future [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837951
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57





	the fathers you can't leave behind and the lovers you can't let go

**Author's Note:**

> I've never really written anything for a public audience before so this is a first for me. Apologies for any grammtical errors, weird phrasings or anything of that nature. I'm not a native English speaker, but I tried my best!  
> Hope you enjoy!

“Hey…can I ask you something?”

Jeff looked up from his plate, mouth still filled with the bite he just took out of his burger. He already thought about the amount of carbs he would have to burn over the next few days to balance out this dinner. But her being the D.C. local - or at least more of a local than him, who was just visiting her for a few days - he had let her pick out the restaurant. And he wasn’t going to complain about the lack of low-carb options on the menu when his sole purpose of being here was to make things as uncomplicated as possible.

“Yeah, anything” he said when he had swallowed and put down his burger to grab a napkin and clean up a bit of ketchup he felt on the corner of his mouth.  
Annie bit her lip and looked at her plate. Whatever she was going to ask clearly made her nervous. 

“It’s kind of personal…” she said, looking up and searching for a reaction in his eyes. She wanted to give him an out in case he didn’t want to stray from the lightheartedness their dinner had up until now. 

But he just gave her a smile as if to say ‘you can literally ask me anything, I won’t be taken aback, I promise’ …or something like that. Ok, maybe she did read a lot into facial expressions when it came to Jeff. He didn’t really have the best track-record of being honest with his words. But he seemed to be as prepared as he would ever be for what she was about to ask.

“Jeff…can you tell me about your father?” 

…okay, maybe he wasn’t ready after all. 

“Uhm…what do you want to know about him?” He asked, half expecting her to rethink her question and drop the subject. She didn’t do him the favor.

“I just…well…can you tell me how it was? Talking to him I mean” Her words sounding almost like an apology. She knew how difficult of a subject this was for Jeff.

“Well” He did his best to carefully form a sensical response. It wasn’t easy. “It was good…I think. Like…it needed to happen. And I’m glad I did it”

It wasn’t hard to see that his answer didn’t satisfy her. It didn’t sound like something he actually meant. It gave more of a ‘look, I really don’t want to talk about it, but I don’t want to not answer your question either, so let’s just leave it at that ok?’ -vibe. And if she was completely honest, she couldn’t have expected anything else. Asking him felt stupid to her now.

“you don’t seem satisfied” he said knowingly.

She tried to give him a reassuring smile, not wanting to push the topic any further if it made him that uncomfortable. “It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it. It was silly of me to ask, I’m sorry” But her eyes, usually her most effective tool to manipulate him, betrayed her and Jeff could immediately see her disappointment in them.

“I’m sorry” he started to explain. “I said you could ask me anything. But then I didn’t give you a straight up answer when you did. That wasn’t fair to you”

She shook her head in response, breathing in sharply before starting to pour her heart out. “it’s ok Jeff, it really is. I just…there was a…situation a few days ago” 

Silence fell between them, and now it was Jeff who thought carefully about pressing their conversation any further. He could just change the subject and be done with it. He thinks that might be what she wants as well. But he ultimately decides to go further down this road. Whatever Annie was talking about obviously bothered her greatly and if it was about her father, Jeff knew that he might be able to help her with his own experiences. 

“You can tell me Annie. I promise I will understand. And if you think that I can help you with your situation, than please, let me in” He tried to reassure her, reaching out and putting her hand in his own to further emphasize his good intentions.

She debated in her head if she really wanted to burden Jeff with her problems. It was something she wanted to deal with herself. Or at least she wanted to know that she could handle it on her own. But when she felt the gentle squeeze he gave her hands and realized how much she trusted him. She knew that this wasn’t something she had to face completely alone. 

“My dad showed up yesterday” She said with slight reluctance. “and I kind of told him to get lost…”

Searching for a reaction in his face, Annie saw Jeff nodding in understanding. At least that’s what she chose to interpret it as.

He actually needed a moment to process what she had said. He didn’t know too much about Annie’s father, or her relationship with him. She really only ever talked about her mother and how sour that relationship turned over the years since her High-school graduation. But apparently her father wasn’t much better off in that regard. He remembered that her parents were divorced and that she didn’t get too see him all that much. But it never came up as an issue until now. It made perfect sense to him now why she would ask him about his dad. So yeah, maybe his nodding was a sign of understanding after all.

Knowing how important his next words could turn out to be in the long run, he gently stroked her fingers and tried to give her the most comforting look he could. “I don’t know a lot about your father Annie. We never really talked about your relationship with him, but I guess daddy issues are far from exclusive to the Winger family” 

He tried to make it sound as lighthearted as possible to cut through the tension this subject had created. But looking into her eyes as they wandered off to focus on something else, he knew he was about to lose her. It was clear that he had to give her a lot more than that. He really hoped that he could still pull a Winger-Speech out of his ass in his moment of need. And he knew that this time, he actually had to mean what he said.

“Look Annie, I want to be honest with you. And when I honestly think about my father and what it was like talking to him. I would have to say that it hurt like hell. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still glad I did it. It gave me closure. But closure in this case meant that every bad thing I thought about him, every curse I directed at him through all the years he had left me alone, all the hate I had developed towards him over the decades that I hadn’t seen him, all of that was confirmed 100% and then some. I went there that day to give him one final chance, to give the universe one final opportunity to proof me wrong. But it didn’t” 

His eyes started to get damp. He hadn’t really thought about his father for quite some time now. And it made him sick that he was still affected by it so much. So he pressed on, hoping it would help himself and most importantly, the person sitting across from him.

“You know what was the worst part? He actually tried to take credit for who I have become. Can you imagine? He said that him leaving was part of what made me the man I am today. That bastard really tried to make him ditching me and my mother sound heroic or something. I couldn’t listen to anything after that. I hated him. I hate everything about him. But at least I’m certain about that now. After I talked to him, there was no more doubt left. And in a way, as weird as it may sound, that’s a good thing”

Annie wanted to say something. Anything to let Jeff know, that she was there for him. But she couldn’t think of a word, stunned at seeing how always confident Jeff Winger, the man she had put up on a pedestal for so many years, came apart in front of her. So she just silently listened as he continued, still holding his hands, hoping that it had the same comforting effect on him that it had on her.

“I don’t know what your father has done or what happened between you two” He explained while trying to keep his voice steady after his tiny emotional outbreak just there. “And I can not guarantee that whatever problems you have with him will be solved if you talk to him. I just know that – in a pretty messed up way – it kind of worked for me at least.”

She was grateful and happy that he felt comfortable with giving her an insight into his emotional turmoil. She was so used to seeing his façade, his social mask of not giving a crap that he always used to hide behind. It almost made her feel special, that he could be so open with her.

“Jeff…thank you for sharing this with me. I… I never realized hoe strongly you still feel about the whole thing” 

His gaze was drifting a little, as if the emotional range he showed her physically exhausted him somehow. 

“It’s nothing you can completely leave behind. But you do learn how to live with it. How to cope”

She nods in agreement and tries to give him a smile, but it quickly fades away as she starts to think about her own situation again.

“I don’t think I hate my dad really. It’s not like he’s ever done something terrible to me, or mistreated me in a way. It’s just…” She struggled a little before taking a deep breath and continuing. “I know it wasn’t easy for him. He divorced my mom when I was still a child. And although I didn’t fully understand his reasons back then, I did find out eventually what a terrible person my mother could be. And I did it the hard way. So I guess I was never really angry at him for leaving our family, and he still took good care of us financially and was happy to look after my brother and me anytime my mom would allow it.” 

She didn’t even realize how she lowered her head further and further, looking down on her plate, not seeing how Jeff was slowly starting get concerned. 

“It’s just…after the divorce, he was always distant in a way. Sometimes it felt as though he was scared of getting too close to me. And one result of that was that when I went through my addiction and when my life fell apart, he wasn’t there to help. I never really got it to be honest. My mom made it very clear that she didn’t support me going to rehab. But I never actually had a clear conversation with my dad about it. Maybe my mom blocked all his attempts of contacting me, maybe he just didn’t care, I don’t know. But I guess that whatever the problem was, he obviously didn’t think that I was worth the trouble”

She almost flinched when he softly put his hand under her chin and led her gaze upwards to where she was looking him directly in the eyes again.

“Annie” he said with purpose in his voice. “You are worth it. You are worth everything. There is no obstacle and no complication, that is not worth overcoming for you. If your dad doesn’t see that, then he’s an idiot. To be honest, he probably is, judging by how little time he spent witch someone as amazing as you. And maybe, he realized what an idiot he was. Because even the biggest idiot would realize at some point, that you are worth it. That you are worth everything.”

There was a pause after he finished his sentence. Not an awkward one, it was more about both of them not wanting to ruin the perfect moment that Jeff had created with his words alone. And so they sat there in silence for several seconds before starting to laugh simultaneously. It wasn’t a loud laughter, more of a shy chuckle that they shared along with a look that said more than any amount words ever could. 

“thank you” Annie whispered, finally breaking the silence between them. “thank you for saying that…and I guess for…feeling that way” 

“It is literally impossible for me to not feel that way about you. Even if I tried to somehow diminish you in my mind, it just wouldn’t work. I would still come to the same conclusion: You are pretty amazing Annie Edison”

Now he’s done it. She was full on blushing. And he couldn’t deny that he enjoyed the sight. But he didn’t want to go too far, too quickly. So instead of pursuing the flirtatious route any further, he changed the subject to get them into calmer waters again.

“So…how’s your internship going?” 

The rest of their dinner went by rather uneventfully. She told him more about her internship, how she learned a lot and really enjoyed the challenge. And she couldn’t help but sound the tiniest bit smug when she told him about all the positive feedback she had been receiving. He wasn’t surprised one bit. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Annie Edison was meant for big things and impressing her superiors at the FBI was probably a walk in the park for her. 

Seeing how she was practically beaming when talking about her ‘new life’ though brought back that bitter-sweet feeling in his chest. He was so proud of her and it really filled him with joy to see her so fulfilled and eager. But it also reminded him of the whole inner conflict he had when it came to Annie. He loved her, of that he was certain by now. But seeing her succeeding in DC, seeing her actually leaving Greendale behind and finding her calling in a different place without him, It was painful to say the least. The doubt came back hard. The doubt that there was any way he could be with her, without holding her back. 

He payed their check, not allowing her to even so much as question it. And they are out of the restaurant and heading to her apartment. As soon as they set a foot out the door, it was noticeable that the night had become rather chilly and Annie started to shiver a little, wearing only a thin sweater over her summer-dress. Noticing this, Jeff starts to take off his jacket to offer it to her but hesitates shortly. He thought about the implications that came with such a gesture. It’s something friends would do right? Like, totally platonic friends. No need to see this in any romantic way right?

He was still unsure, but realizing that Annie had already noticed him starting to take the piece of clothing off, he really didn’t have any choice but to take it off completely and put it gently over her shivering shoulders, his fingers ever so slightly gracing the tiny bit of exposed skin between the her sweater and the thin strap of her dress. He instantly felt the tingling sensation wander from his fingers, through his arms straight into his chest where it warmed his entire core. ‘good god, I’m hopeless’ he thought to himself in self-disappointment. 

“thank you” she said with a warm smile and the faintest hint of a blush. 

He would gladly take off every other piece of clothing he had on if each of them gave him another of those smiles. Another of those looks that were just so quintessentially Annie.  
He might even be willing to take some of her clothes off as well…whops. 

It was at times like these, that he thanked whatever higher being there might be that she couldn’t read his thoughts. Although he wasn’t sure how long he could rely on that judging by how she could basically do everything else to him already.

He really needed to take his thoughts somewhere else entirely. 

“I really like that Burger place, good choice on your part” He said in a not at all convincing voice.

Luckily she didn’t seem to be too bothered by it. “I’m glad you liked it, sorry about all the carbs, but I had a tough couple of days, and I was really craving a burger tonight”

“Me and my abs forgive you for your cravings” He laughed mockingly, glad that they were heading towards more casual areas with their conversation. “I understand that not everyone can be as disciplined as me when it comes to controlling their food cravings” 

Not willing to let him keep the upper hand, Annie simply rolled her eyes and gave him an accusing look. “Is that so, Mr. - men crave young flesh -” 

He actually stopped dead in his tracks at that remark. “You didn’t just say that did you?”

“Actually, I distinctly remember you saying it” she said with a wink. Crossing her arms in front of her in a victorious pose.

He shook his head and continued walking. “I don't remember that” he decisively said, hoping she would drop it. She did not.

Instead, she walked in front of him, backwards so she could still look and point at him. 

“You totally did! You said it to Shirley”  
“that makes no sense”  
“After you almost got married”  
“What?”  
“To Britta!”  
“You must be drunk”  
“After I was so upset”  
“Now that’s more believable”  
“Because before that-“  
“Annie…”  
“At the Transfer dance-“  
“Annie please…”  
“You totally kissed- uahhh!” She couldn’t finish her sentence before she tripped on an uneven part of pavement and started swaying dangerously.

“Watch out!” It was all he got out before reaching for her to prevent her from falling. But as he’s trying to hold her, she stumbles forward and crashes right into him. Her face now buried in his chest and almost knocking them both over in the process. 

He just manages to stay on his feet and settle them both. It takes him a moment to realize the position they’re in now. He’s holding her awfully close to himself and she looks up at him as he was looking down at her, slightly gasping at the sudden change in pace. 

There was silence between them. And it took him a few seconds before he could really look her in the eyes, unsure of what he was expecting to see in them. But as he looked into them, into her big, beautiful, blue eyes, he got lost in an array of emotions. He no longer felt shame for his pathetic life. He didn’t feel hate for his father. And he didn’t feel frustration with the universe. All those emotions were purged from his system the moment he looked into the deep blue ocean of her Iris. 

He remembered how he told her a long time ago that she was getting dangerous with her manipulative doe eyes. He was right. But he didn’t care. When it came to Annie and the spell that she had on him, he had been a lost cause for years. 

And maybe he was imagining things, but he could swear that their lips were inching closer and closer. Every alarm bell in his head went off at once. He knew this was one of those moments that could very well decide large parts of both their futures. If Abed were here, he would remind him of the different possibilities and the potential Time-line rifts he was creating with whatever action he was taking next. 

But Abed was the last thing on his mind right now. At this moment, there was only one thing on his mind. Only one person. Only one Annie.

And as her lips found their way onto his, he was hit with the realization that there was one undeniable truth. One unshaken fact that he could no longer lie to himself about. Because no matter how badly the odds were stacked against them working as a couple. No matter the raging feeling of guilt about possibly ruining her life with his mere presence. No matter the countless times he had told himself that he shouldn’t go down this path with her. He knew at this very moment, when they kissed under the stars in front of a burger-shop somewhere in Washington DC. He knew then and there, that he could never truly let her go.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for making it to the end!  
> This is the first fanfic or creative text in general that I ever posted anywhere and English is not my first language, so I hope I didn't do too badly.  
> Always looking to improve though, so comments and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!


End file.
